Monday, February 7, 2011
Well I haven't blogged in awhile sorry about that. Last Thursday I went to go talk to a counsler. She kinda helped but it just kinda made me more sad I cried for most of the day. I go again tonight to talk to her and I truthfully can't wait she seems like the only person i can tell everything to and she doesnt judge me. I've been talking to Kolten alot lately and he really wants me to move up to Minot with him. I have been seriously thinking about doing it. Kolten is an old friend of mine that I've known forever I tried to date him in high school and he didnt want a relationship, and now he is and im starting to think that it would be a good place for me to go. If I move I can actually go to school to do what I want to do. That would be great cause I really do not want to go to school to be a business major or an accountant. Its just so hard cause sometime I think I still love Billy but the more I think about it the more I think that I love him because of Adison. Like I say that I love him but I just dont think that I am in love with him. I wish things were easier, and I love adison but I wish I would have waited. Because i wouldnt be in this situation right now I would be going to school to do what I want to do and I don't think I would be living with Billy like I am now. I don't really know what would have happened but I do know that things would have been SO much easier. This past weekend was fun tho. I had a bunch of my friends over and we drank and had a good time. Billy actually smiled this weekend. That was a huge shocker to me. Kolten is in California this week for training which kinda sucks cause I can't really talk to him but he can text which is nice and he said he would call me whenever he had the chance. I sure hope he does cause the would be awesome I havent really gone a day without talking to him since we started talking so it is going to be hard. But he did text me and let me know that he made it there and that he was heading into the meeting. Friday night was interesting, I got online and he was talking to me and all of a sudden his ex girlfriend told him she was pregnant when she really isnt. I felt so bad for him cause he had went out with his brother to the bar and he had a great time and then he comes home to hear that bullshit from his gf! She's kind of a bitch anyways, but still I sure hope she's not cause I dont really want to deal with her cause I'm sure she would start shit that is stupid. But anyways, Adi is crawling all over the place and she is standing up against the couch playing with toys so im sure she will be walking soon :S thats gonna be scary she is already into EVERYTHING lol. But I guess I should pry go ill blog tonight when I get home from the counsler.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Well Hello again ive decided to continue to write about my life. Adi has been sick for the last 2 days so im home from work. Even tho i hate my job its a really good escape from my life, crazy how that sounds I hate my job but damn i cant wait to get there. My mom came over for lunch and chilled for awhile, that was good its nice to talk to my mom but she also sticks up for Billy cause she does like him. I dont really know what to think anymore, i want things to work with him because of Adi but on the other hand I dont want Adi to grow up in an unhappy house. Why didnt someone tell me how hard life was going to be!!! Im pry gonna make this short cause i have a bunch of things that I need to do and Billy will pry be home soon! Well im out
Monday, January 24, 2011
Well I guess I should start with hello! My name is Hannah and I decided that I would make a blog to kinda get some stuff off my chest and let some feelings go. I guess ill start with a little bit about my life! I'm 18 and I have a six month old daughter named Adison. Things have been a little crazy the last year. I graduated from high school in may of 2010 and then in July I gave birth to Adison Ann. She sure did turn my life upside down. My plan was to go to school to do makeup and hair but now just live in my home town. I live with my boyfriend Billy and my daughter. I currently work for blockbuster express, I answer phones for them as a customer rep, its not exciting at all and gets annoying after awhile cause I have to listen to people bitch all the time. I also plan on going back to school in the fall. I've decided because I cant go to school for cosmetology I'm gonna be a business major. Not as exciting but pays the bills. I also recently became engaged. I really don't know if that was for the better or not just puts alot of stress on my shoulders and certainly does not a relationship better. My life sure has become exciting. I went from being a carefree teen to a full time mom and fiancee'. My fiance' well that's another story. He's a great dad and can be a great companion at times but it just seems like I don't make him happy anymore, he just always in a bad mood. As soon as he comes home he's in a bad mood and that in turn put me in a bad mood. I can't really explain him I can only say he has alot of issues that i think he needs to work on. I don't want to sound like a total downer but this blog is here for me to kinda let my feeling out. I'm not so sure that I even want to marry him with the way he has been acting! I really just miss being care free. There's a girl I know she's 16 and pregnant and we've all told her how hard it is but in her mind she will be so much better off with a baby. God i wish she could walk in my shoes for a day. I all over the place all day long, either we have no money, I'm tired, in a bad mood, w/e it doesn't matter i still have to be mom. I have a few friends mostly a girl named brookly and a guy named Eric. There pretty much my best friends, they help me threw alot of the days cause most days i just feel like breaking down and crying. My mom is there alot too! She's been trying to help alot, the help is great its just so hard mentally to deal with what my life is like! I miss being the care free person who could come and go as I pleased. After i met billy my life kinda fell apart i lost all of my friends, but the two I have now! I wish i would have known how hard this was! My life has kinda become a mess. My mom called a counselor for me to go talk to and i have to go see her on the 3rd of Feb. God i hope that helps, i didn't tell Billy i was going, i wanna do this alone! A lot of the reason I'm the way I am is because of him!! I guess I don't really know what else to say. I guess I'm gonna sign off and go to bed is 10 pm and i need some sleep! Good night to all and I'll talk to you tomorrow!